I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
