you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Redeem this text for a blowjob
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
