It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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