If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
