I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
