So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize