Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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