I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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