Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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