I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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