Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
