I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
