just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
