I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
