I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
