but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
