Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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