Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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