The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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