I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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