There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
