p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
