Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize