My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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