you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
