I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I party with great urgency now.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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