In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
