That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
A+ Viking dick
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
