Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
