I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
