I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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