So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize