She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
