"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
