well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
