Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize