dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
