do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
