i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
