I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Ketchup is God's man juice
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
