Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
