been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
