covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
