I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
