i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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