i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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