it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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