Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
