Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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