you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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