last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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