dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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