So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
