Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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