lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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