He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
