Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
the condom got lost in my hair
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
