...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
