I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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