If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Im part way to drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
