just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
