Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
