I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
