I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
