I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
