I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
