Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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