Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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