I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
