omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Boobs are out for the taking
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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