Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
