I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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