His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
