that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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