made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
