After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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