The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm at about main and main street
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
