Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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