Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
