Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
