He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
