Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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