I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
