his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
