Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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