"it" just moved
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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