Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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