go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
