it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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