Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
