I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize