Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
