i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
