what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
