we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
