Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
