Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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