I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
