meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
