U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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