My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
