I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
