How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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