fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
