Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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