he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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