break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
