Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize